Back Patting Bullshitters...

A few places I have worked have been chock full of Back Patting Bullshitters.(aka BPB’s) You ever hear of this species? Yellow bellied BACK PATTING BULLSHITTERS! Yeah - I guessed you would have heard of them.

Most likely have worked with one or a dozen. These are the people that knob around all day and when “the brass” does their check ins all the sudden they turn to busy beavers. Paper flyin. Keyboard clickin and SOME even make snort noises like they are SO into their work they are simply stumped but working through it. (and have the a PILE of papers to prove it - they are working HARD! Just LEAVE o brass people, I am doing amazing things!)

These back patters typically want to eat the flesh off the leg of ANYONE that may make them look bad to “the big guys”, and pretty much day dream at work while YouTubing, planning a trip, sexting, checking pro sport scores, etc about all the ways they can do without everyone in the office cause they are a one man show. They talk the talk. And talk and talk. And brag and talk s’more. And pat their back looking for more.

That’s right. They lay in bed and wonder how to snub YOU! (in this story YOU are the diligent worker that just shows up on time, genuinely likes your coworkers, do your job, and enjoy your work)

Scenario:
Imagine we are on an island with the people we work with. (live with, friends with and love)

Ya ok, not likely to happen, but let’s just play with the idea.

I don’t mean on an island like “Hey Lizzie, Gertrude, Todd, Penelope, Frank and Sherman let’s all take a trip together on an ISLAND! ! !” with your thumbs in the air.

No, no, no. This is not what I mean. What if you were STRANDED, indefinitely, on an island with the people you worked with.(live with, friends with or love)

Let THAT settle in your head.....

Stop reading, let it settle!

Settling............

OK -

Most have read or at least watched “Lord of the Flies”. Possibly watched an episode or all bajillion of the TV series LOST?

We are STRANDED with no outside help in sight and no outside contact other than the people we work with. Our coworkers! (or again, whom we live with, are friends with and love) Colovers. Cofamily. Cofriends.

So we are all together. Scared as hell, but BPB is sure as hell NOT going to admit that.(for the record I would be the screaming girl until someone slapped me senseless, and then would continue to scream and dig a fox hole until my fingers were nubs) We are alone. But we are together.


Transition:
The Back Patting Bullshitter is likely to have all the answers…….at first. You do this, get that, gather this, do that. And over time - say maybe 12 hours you may notice this BPB is concentrating ALL his efforts on HIS protection. Not taking into regard the several other lives with him. At some point the majority of the group will tell him to shut his pie hole and remind him what a knob he was at the office and if he wants anyone gone - he MAY very well be left alone. All alone.

That’s right BPB (back patting bullshitter..did I really need to clarify that) You may be all alone. Fending for yourself(you one man band) on a very large island, in the middle of nowhere. Alone. Indefinately. OK men don’t be all freaky cause I am using HE in this story. HE can be interchanged with SHE. Get a grip!

Once realized, the BPB is likely to stop thinking of 101 ways to slice and dice his coworkers to make him look better, he will no longer strive to be a one man band and will certainly have to drink a HUGE cup of self righteous assdom. Cause he knows he WON’T look better, he will look alone.

Outcome:
At this point he will likely start to look at everyone’s strengths. His own strengths. His own weaknesses. Reason what he can do WITH the team, with all efforts focusing on the big picture. I mean after all if one is saved WE may all be saved RIGHT?!? He will be able help cut wood with his strong back patting arms and carry lots of heavy stuff for sure! He will become SO tired at the end of the day, stranded on the island with all the people he previously wanted to see in mason jars, that he will not even have enough energy to pat his own back, nor will he want to.

Why? Because he was finally fulfilled. The BPB, though seemingly wanted to be the only one to shine had to learn the not so simple lesson of, if you eat everyone at the office, and want to be a one man band with you being the last one standing….he may just be the ONLY one standing.

Snuggled by the fire, with leaves for blankets and sucking his thumb coddled between the bodies of his co-workers he drifts off to dreamland looking forward to ways he can help and be part of the efforts the next day brings. He is scared but no longer back patting. Who has time for that. And if he bullshits, it’s only to himself.

Afterthought:
Appreciate who you live with, work with are friends with and love.
Treat them, like you are stranded on an island.
It’s almost too bad some never get stranded on an island
with those you live with, work with are friends with and love.