Babies to boys to men and ALL the inbetween!
Some people search.
Some don’t.
Is there a purpose?
I was born to live for SO many things. . .
I want to watch my kids grow up.
I want to watch them love.
I will watch them cry.
I want them to FEEL life.
I will watch them hurt. . . and it will hurt me.
I want to be there when they succeed, see their faces and watch their glow.
I want to be there when they feel they’ve failed and I can assure them they have NOT. (Or suck it up with them and learn whatever can be learned from failing. Share my own failures certainly.)
When they smirk, in that kid kinda smirk they do when they “get it”, when they look at a girl for the first time and she makes them melt, when they confirm they “said their prayers”, when they get their first ticket, when they get dumped and sit in a closet for 2 days strumming the “git fiddle”, when they WIN a talent contest and are too proud to boast about it, rub their back when they drift off to sleep or rub their back when they can't sleep. I will be there when they are up late at night or up early in the morning.
Decisions! (i am listening, encouraging, protecting)
Undecidedness! (i am listening, encouraging, protecting)
I want to watch my kids grow up and keep it with me, take it with me.
They will go forward, forever forward, move on ro the life of their choosing. I will transform like a cameleon from their beacon when they are uncertain to their ghoul when they need to “touch home”. They will go forward, hopefully moving on knowing they are loved, unconditionally, infinitively, forever. (cause they are)Is there a purpose?
Some people search.
Some don’t.
I was born to live for SO many things. . .and am living it today, looking forward to living it tomorrow.
I would never trade it. (and would beat someone to the ground to save it) It’s been my blessing, my honor. Thank you Lord.
Some people search.
I have it.
Thank you.
I will take it with me.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Overabovers. (it's a word trust me)
We all “get” good things whether we deserve them or not. Every day. Some would call them blessings. I call them the “overabovers”. (I had an English teacher tell me, “if you can use it in a sentence and it makes sense IT’S a word. She wasn’t that bright, but this stuck with me.)
Overabovers? You wonder.
Yeah like over and above what I expected, deserved, did not deserve, did not expect. I got back more than I put in. I didn’t put in ANYTHING in and I got a lil something back.
Presents! Gifts! Blessings! Overabovers.
A long long time ago, in a far away village, I would sit and actually make a brain list of all the crap that went on during my day. It was a crummy list, with a crap title(Barbie’s List of Shit) and always after penning this list would be left with a stagnant taste in my mouth. I would go through this list. Over and over. Wow, did I ever deal with the crap today! This is a LONG list! How did I ever make it through! I would go so far as to boast about ALL the crap I was through in a day.(though I didn’t realize I was boasting)
Major stuff, menial stuff. But all crap stuff! I felt like I dealt with my bull, friends bull, family’s bull.
I would fall asleep with a crease in my forehead, angry, frustrated and at the same time kinda felt “tough”. Tough for ALL the crap I had to deal with in a day. I mean WHO else in this world dealt with THIS huge pile of brown dung? Yup that’s right sister! Sit down! I DID! Shwew, full day for me!
SO, rubbing the painful crease imbedded in my forehead, my prayer would be “Lord, please help me deal with all the crummy junk sent my way today...Oh and thank you for helping handle yesterdays trunk of junk”.
YA! Quite a prayer huh!
Did I secretly like this craplist? Some of us do that. I did that. Sorrow before joy kinda living.
The turning point was:
I listened to a friend with a painful story. (and am thankful to this day this person opened up. Eternally thankful)
So painful was this story...life story, I sat and listen like I had restless leg syndrome and would shake my head adamantly screeching, “NO! How could one person deal with all that? WHAT? You went through that?”
It would go on, “Oh stop! It can’t possibly get worse! OMG! It IS worse!”
And on, “Please I can’t take anymore. I am sorry I will listen to more! Where is the Kleenex! Let me hug you!”
This was a story of, betrayal, famine, defeat, death, abandonment, torture, loneliness, disease, lost love, theft and assault. (ya, the worst movie trailer ever X 3) It was like I watched a fast photo slide show in their eye’s as they softly spoke and shared this graphic, bring you to your knees, leave you breathless and sobbing in the fetal position story.
Horrifying to anyone. Especially horrifying to girl that makes a list of menial bullshit she went through in a given day.
Shortly after the last cigarette was put out, and this friend feeling very cleansed, smirked and leaned back with a shrug indicating there was no more to tell, my immediate questioning was, “How you are OK? How can you be ok? Are you OK? Are you?”
The response:
“Of course I am ok.”
HOW ! ! ! ! ! (I know I almost belched this in a VERY soprano squeal)
“Each day, another person’s smile, act of kindness, honesty, show of love, sacrifice kept me sane between AND through all the pain and became my food, my drink and fed my spirit.”
With the enhancer:
“How can I not feel blessed? ! ? !”
I was speechless. Shamed. Humbled. Sad. Inspired yet shamed again.
SO from that day forward, and for all the days after, the girl(me) in the far away village crumpled up and tossed all her long crap lists of what she went through in a day and pulled out a FRESH piece of paper and began feverishly writing a new list.
What was GOOD about my day?
This became SUCH a long list! And she looked forward to sharing pieces and parts of it will all the kingdom forever and ever more.
Oh she changed the title of her daily list too! From “Barbie’s List of Shit” (nope scratch that!) to “Overabovers”. It’s a crazy long list and makes me smile from ear to ear to add to it, read it, reread it and share it.
I will never miss an overabover again. And yes, it has become my food, my drink and feeds my spirit daily.
I no longer fall asleep or wake with a painful crease in my forehead.
How bad was your day? Did you have a lot on your plate?
betrayal
famine
defeat
death
abandonment
torture
loneliness
disease
lost love
theft
assault
Overabovers? You wonder.
Yeah like over and above what I expected, deserved, did not deserve, did not expect. I got back more than I put in. I didn’t put in ANYTHING in and I got a lil something back.
Presents! Gifts! Blessings! Overabovers.
A long long time ago, in a far away village, I would sit and actually make a brain list of all the crap that went on during my day. It was a crummy list, with a crap title(Barbie’s List of Shit) and always after penning this list would be left with a stagnant taste in my mouth. I would go through this list. Over and over. Wow, did I ever deal with the crap today! This is a LONG list! How did I ever make it through! I would go so far as to boast about ALL the crap I was through in a day.(though I didn’t realize I was boasting)
Major stuff, menial stuff. But all crap stuff! I felt like I dealt with my bull, friends bull, family’s bull.
I would fall asleep with a crease in my forehead, angry, frustrated and at the same time kinda felt “tough”. Tough for ALL the crap I had to deal with in a day. I mean WHO else in this world dealt with THIS huge pile of brown dung? Yup that’s right sister! Sit down! I DID! Shwew, full day for me!
SO, rubbing the painful crease imbedded in my forehead, my prayer would be “Lord, please help me deal with all the crummy junk sent my way today...Oh and thank you for helping handle yesterdays trunk of junk”.
YA! Quite a prayer huh!
Did I secretly like this craplist? Some of us do that. I did that. Sorrow before joy kinda living.
The turning point was:
I listened to a friend with a painful story. (and am thankful to this day this person opened up. Eternally thankful)
So painful was this story...life story, I sat and listen like I had restless leg syndrome and would shake my head adamantly screeching, “NO! How could one person deal with all that? WHAT? You went through that?”
It would go on, “Oh stop! It can’t possibly get worse! OMG! It IS worse!”
And on, “Please I can’t take anymore. I am sorry I will listen to more! Where is the Kleenex! Let me hug you!”
This was a story of, betrayal, famine, defeat, death, abandonment, torture, loneliness, disease, lost love, theft and assault. (ya, the worst movie trailer ever X 3) It was like I watched a fast photo slide show in their eye’s as they softly spoke and shared this graphic, bring you to your knees, leave you breathless and sobbing in the fetal position story.
Horrifying to anyone. Especially horrifying to girl that makes a list of menial bullshit she went through in a given day.
Shortly after the last cigarette was put out, and this friend feeling very cleansed, smirked and leaned back with a shrug indicating there was no more to tell, my immediate questioning was, “How you are OK? How can you be ok? Are you OK? Are you?”
The response:
“Of course I am ok.”
HOW ! ! ! ! ! (I know I almost belched this in a VERY soprano squeal)
“Each day, another person’s smile, act of kindness, honesty, show of love, sacrifice kept me sane between AND through all the pain and became my food, my drink and fed my spirit.”
With the enhancer:
“How can I not feel blessed? ! ? !”
I was speechless. Shamed. Humbled. Sad. Inspired yet shamed again.
SO from that day forward, and for all the days after, the girl(me) in the far away village crumpled up and tossed all her long crap lists of what she went through in a day and pulled out a FRESH piece of paper and began feverishly writing a new list.
What was GOOD about my day?
This became SUCH a long list! And she looked forward to sharing pieces and parts of it will all the kingdom forever and ever more.
Oh she changed the title of her daily list too! From “Barbie’s List of Shit” (nope scratch that!) to “Overabovers”. It’s a crazy long list and makes me smile from ear to ear to add to it, read it, reread it and share it.
I will never miss an overabover again. And yes, it has become my food, my drink and feeds my spirit daily.
I no longer fall asleep or wake with a painful crease in my forehead.
How bad was your day? Did you have a lot on your plate?
betrayal
famine
defeat
death
abandonment
torture
loneliness
disease
lost love
theft
assault
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Back Patting Bullshitters...
A few places I have worked have been chock full of Back Patting Bullshitters.(aka BPB’s) You ever hear of this species? Yellow bellied BACK PATTING BULLSHITTERS! Yeah - I guessed you would have heard of them.
Most likely have worked with one or a dozen. These are the people that knob around all day and when “the brass” does their check ins all the sudden they turn to busy beavers. Paper flyin. Keyboard clickin and SOME even make snort noises like they are SO into their work they are simply stumped but working through it. (and have the a PILE of papers to prove it - they are working HARD! Just LEAVE o brass people, I am doing amazing things!)
These back patters typically want to eat the flesh off the leg of ANYONE that may make them look bad to “the big guys”, and pretty much day dream at work while YouTubing, planning a trip, sexting, checking pro sport scores, etc about all the ways they can do without everyone in the office cause they are a one man show. They talk the talk. And talk and talk. And brag and talk s’more. And pat their back looking for more.
That’s right. They lay in bed and wonder how to snub YOU! (in this story YOU are the diligent worker that just shows up on time, genuinely likes your coworkers, do your job, and enjoy your work)
Scenario:
Imagine we are on an island with the people we work with. (live with, friends with and love)
Ya ok, not likely to happen, but let’s just play with the idea.
I don’t mean on an island like “Hey Lizzie, Gertrude, Todd, Penelope, Frank and Sherman let’s all take a trip together on an ISLAND! ! !” with your thumbs in the air.
No, no, no. This is not what I mean. What if you were STRANDED, indefinitely, on an island with the people you worked with.(live with, friends with or love)
Let THAT settle in your head.....
Stop reading, let it settle!
Settling............
OK -
Most have read or at least watched “Lord of the Flies”. Possibly watched an episode or all bajillion of the TV series LOST?
We are STRANDED with no outside help in sight and no outside contact other than the people we work with. Our coworkers! (or again, whom we live with, are friends with and love) Colovers. Cofamily. Cofriends.
So we are all together. Scared as hell, but BPB is sure as hell NOT going to admit that.(for the record I would be the screaming girl until someone slapped me senseless, and then would continue to scream and dig a fox hole until my fingers were nubs) We are alone. But we are together.
Transition:
The Back Patting Bullshitter is likely to have all the answers…….at first. You do this, get that, gather this, do that. And over time - say maybe 12 hours you may notice this BPB is concentrating ALL his efforts on HIS protection. Not taking into regard the several other lives with him. At some point the majority of the group will tell him to shut his pie hole and remind him what a knob he was at the office and if he wants anyone gone - he MAY very well be left alone. All alone.
That’s right BPB (back patting bullshitter..did I really need to clarify that) You may be all alone. Fending for yourself(you one man band) on a very large island, in the middle of nowhere. Alone. Indefinately. OK men don’t be all freaky cause I am using HE in this story. HE can be interchanged with SHE. Get a grip!
Once realized, the BPB is likely to stop thinking of 101 ways to slice and dice his coworkers to make him look better, he will no longer strive to be a one man band and will certainly have to drink a HUGE cup of self righteous assdom. Cause he knows he WON’T look better, he will look alone.
Outcome:
At this point he will likely start to look at everyone’s strengths. His own strengths. His own weaknesses. Reason what he can do WITH the team, with all efforts focusing on the big picture. I mean after all if one is saved WE may all be saved RIGHT?!? He will be able help cut wood with his strong back patting arms and carry lots of heavy stuff for sure! He will become SO tired at the end of the day, stranded on the island with all the people he previously wanted to see in mason jars, that he will not even have enough energy to pat his own back, nor will he want to.
Why? Because he was finally fulfilled. The BPB, though seemingly wanted to be the only one to shine had to learn the not so simple lesson of, if you eat everyone at the office, and want to be a one man band with you being the last one standing….he may just be the ONLY one standing.
Snuggled by the fire, with leaves for blankets and sucking his thumb coddled between the bodies of his co-workers he drifts off to dreamland looking forward to ways he can help and be part of the efforts the next day brings. He is scared but no longer back patting. Who has time for that. And if he bullshits, it’s only to himself.
Afterthought:
Appreciate who you live with, work with are friends with and love.
Treat them, like you are stranded on an island.
It’s almost too bad some never get stranded on an island
with those you live with, work with are friends with and love.
Most likely have worked with one or a dozen. These are the people that knob around all day and when “the brass” does their check ins all the sudden they turn to busy beavers. Paper flyin. Keyboard clickin and SOME even make snort noises like they are SO into their work they are simply stumped but working through it. (and have the a PILE of papers to prove it - they are working HARD! Just LEAVE o brass people, I am doing amazing things!)
These back patters typically want to eat the flesh off the leg of ANYONE that may make them look bad to “the big guys”, and pretty much day dream at work while YouTubing, planning a trip, sexting, checking pro sport scores, etc about all the ways they can do without everyone in the office cause they are a one man show. They talk the talk. And talk and talk. And brag and talk s’more. And pat their back looking for more.
That’s right. They lay in bed and wonder how to snub YOU! (in this story YOU are the diligent worker that just shows up on time, genuinely likes your coworkers, do your job, and enjoy your work)
Scenario:
Imagine we are on an island with the people we work with. (live with, friends with and love)
Ya ok, not likely to happen, but let’s just play with the idea.
I don’t mean on an island like “Hey Lizzie, Gertrude, Todd, Penelope, Frank and Sherman let’s all take a trip together on an ISLAND! ! !” with your thumbs in the air.
No, no, no. This is not what I mean. What if you were STRANDED, indefinitely, on an island with the people you worked with.(live with, friends with or love)
Let THAT settle in your head.....
Stop reading, let it settle!
Settling............
OK -
Most have read or at least watched “Lord of the Flies”. Possibly watched an episode or all bajillion of the TV series LOST?
We are STRANDED with no outside help in sight and no outside contact other than the people we work with. Our coworkers! (or again, whom we live with, are friends with and love) Colovers. Cofamily. Cofriends.
So we are all together. Scared as hell, but BPB is sure as hell NOT going to admit that.(for the record I would be the screaming girl until someone slapped me senseless, and then would continue to scream and dig a fox hole until my fingers were nubs) We are alone. But we are together.
Transition:
The Back Patting Bullshitter is likely to have all the answers…….at first. You do this, get that, gather this, do that. And over time - say maybe 12 hours you may notice this BPB is concentrating ALL his efforts on HIS protection. Not taking into regard the several other lives with him. At some point the majority of the group will tell him to shut his pie hole and remind him what a knob he was at the office and if he wants anyone gone - he MAY very well be left alone. All alone.
That’s right BPB (back patting bullshitter..did I really need to clarify that) You may be all alone. Fending for yourself(you one man band) on a very large island, in the middle of nowhere. Alone. Indefinately. OK men don’t be all freaky cause I am using HE in this story. HE can be interchanged with SHE. Get a grip!
Once realized, the BPB is likely to stop thinking of 101 ways to slice and dice his coworkers to make him look better, he will no longer strive to be a one man band and will certainly have to drink a HUGE cup of self righteous assdom. Cause he knows he WON’T look better, he will look alone.
Outcome:
At this point he will likely start to look at everyone’s strengths. His own strengths. His own weaknesses. Reason what he can do WITH the team, with all efforts focusing on the big picture. I mean after all if one is saved WE may all be saved RIGHT?!? He will be able help cut wood with his strong back patting arms and carry lots of heavy stuff for sure! He will become SO tired at the end of the day, stranded on the island with all the people he previously wanted to see in mason jars, that he will not even have enough energy to pat his own back, nor will he want to.
Why? Because he was finally fulfilled. The BPB, though seemingly wanted to be the only one to shine had to learn the not so simple lesson of, if you eat everyone at the office, and want to be a one man band with you being the last one standing….he may just be the ONLY one standing.
Snuggled by the fire, with leaves for blankets and sucking his thumb coddled between the bodies of his co-workers he drifts off to dreamland looking forward to ways he can help and be part of the efforts the next day brings. He is scared but no longer back patting. Who has time for that. And if he bullshits, it’s only to himself.
Afterthought:
Appreciate who you live with, work with are friends with and love.
Treat them, like you are stranded on an island.
It’s almost too bad some never get stranded on an island
with those you live with, work with are friends with and love.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Campfires, S'mores and Sex
CAMPING SEX
Let me have your attention: We have all considered, tried or tossed out all the wonderful erotic possibilities of sex. Let’s take moment to walk down the road of negative sensual experiences. NOT for the sexee and sexer, but for all those with-in ear shot…..
Camping sex is a stealthy kind of sex. It’s required you conjure up hunting prowess and maintain peek senses because you can not only ENJOY the sexual experience, but you have to, or should be somewhat considerate of who’s around you. I know, I know…..ME telling YOU that you have to be considerate during love play. You had to guess at some point I would have a smidge of sexual etiquette.(enjoy this, it will be the only shred you get…of the sexual etiquette)
The build up...
My “guy” and I went on a camping trip one time with a rather large and diverse group of people. Hold on, I know you just imagined camp fire songs, wool ponchos and s’mores. This camp trip was more along the lines of keg-o-beer, buried hypodermics (not from our group, but some squatters that latched to the group) and long lusty philosophical talks about WHY Jim Morrison wrote Peace Frog...and least I forget the TURKEY BREAST(see diagram 1...ok no diagram here but if there WAS it would be of man squeezing his own sack so hard it looks like a turkey breast! I did not make this up).
The camp was set up like:
“Hey, back your rig up here! It will fit!” and was rather like one continuous camp site with a tent spliced in here and a lean to propped up there. Heavily wooded and by a lake. Camper, tent, camper, camper, tent-tent-tent. About 50 people easy!
So there we were, camping...sittin’ around, strolling from site to site with our frosty and frothy beers, plastics of wine, trailing back to the “main site”(our site) for refills. We had planned on camper tent sharing with a few people and figured it would really be no big deal, everyone being grown up and all with the added NO swingers allowed. As the night turned into wee hours of the morning we head back to our nylon home to find no one there sleeping yet. BONUS! We strip down and get crackin right away in the “lovins“ department. Considering there were so many people coming to “fill up” at the keg/wine/mixies station propped safely right outside our “door”, we kinda started out with quiet giggly foreplay. (I was doing the giggling-C’mon he‘s a man. And for any of you man gigglers out there - STOP! It weirds us out) So we went from fun play to HEEHAW! We are in the woods, this nature, makes me wanna YIPEE KIYI YAY! ! ! We rocked it pretty good for, what seemed like an hour...and in hind site it was more like um, an hour! We are alone after all. In the woods! Behind trusted Northface, 3M, Eddie Bauer nylon. We’re good, that shit’s like steel.
At some point a few people trickle in and find a sleepy spot. Here and there. I already have my Skeletor jammie pants on and am sound asleep. More people…trickle trickle. Yes, it was like a 13 man tent with a 3 room enclosure. LARGE!
Morning coffee...
We wake up to the smell of coffee, scent of warm dew, tent farts, stale fire smell in the hair and wet mud. Ahhhhhh ya gotta love nature. We proceed to talk about the evening with our kitten breath and get up to enjoy a percolated cup of joe.
Note to self: Nylon is not cement or steel and has NO sound barrier! At all. None. Zero! It’s more of a sound conducting agent. Like copper is to heat…but far worse. Remember this.
SO back to coffee. We meander outside to sit by the morning fire and there around the fire are nothing but eyeballs and smirks. Eyeballs and smirks and a few coyly asked questions like, “How did you two sleep?”, “What time you guys get to sleep?” and of course “I was going to go to bed but fell asleep outside waiting for you guys!”. (so much for stealth mode and I did wonder why there were a few body heaps outside on the cold ground NEAR the tent entrance)
I had no idea there was a sex-o-meter during camping and felt awful! Sorta.
Did I mention the rollie window may have opened too? Yeah, check that. Twice!
So there you have it. Should you decide to camp, be considerate.
Camping list to consider...
1) If you are camping in a large group, TRY to “enjoy the simple pleasures" EARLY in the evening when people are talking and music is playing.
2) Purchase a -60 degree, fully lined Alaskan stamped Columbia sleeping bag for muffling sake. Maybe two to be safe.
3) If you hear the whispers from the campfire while you are INSIDE you can bet those whisperers can heard x3 on the OUTSIDE.
4) Keep drink station approximately 30 feet from main temporary domicile or “watering hole”.
5) Leave no trace! This should apply to sexless camping as well. Take out what you haul in. (I might be selfish but I want to “keep it green” too!)
6) Turkey Breast-prepare for the turkey breast siting! You will never be afraid of Sasquatch again!
Six simple thing to remember and you too can enjoy a fruitful sex filled CONSIDERATE camping trip.(and maintain friends) If not, you should maybe consider going solo.
For the record - I never repeated this trip again. The “turkey breast” nightmares got the best of me and I had to watch Blaire Witch Project NINE times to forget. Look it up if you dare. But you had your warning.
Let me have your attention: We have all considered, tried or tossed out all the wonderful erotic possibilities of sex. Let’s take moment to walk down the road of negative sensual experiences. NOT for the sexee and sexer, but for all those with-in ear shot…..
Camping sex is a stealthy kind of sex. It’s required you conjure up hunting prowess and maintain peek senses because you can not only ENJOY the sexual experience, but you have to, or should be somewhat considerate of who’s around you. I know, I know…..ME telling YOU that you have to be considerate during love play. You had to guess at some point I would have a smidge of sexual etiquette.(enjoy this, it will be the only shred you get…of the sexual etiquette)
The build up...
My “guy” and I went on a camping trip one time with a rather large and diverse group of people. Hold on, I know you just imagined camp fire songs, wool ponchos and s’mores. This camp trip was more along the lines of keg-o-beer, buried hypodermics (not from our group, but some squatters that latched to the group) and long lusty philosophical talks about WHY Jim Morrison wrote Peace Frog...and least I forget the TURKEY BREAST(see diagram 1...ok no diagram here but if there WAS it would be of man squeezing his own sack so hard it looks like a turkey breast! I did not make this up).
The camp was set up like:
“Hey, back your rig up here! It will fit!” and was rather like one continuous camp site with a tent spliced in here and a lean to propped up there. Heavily wooded and by a lake. Camper, tent, camper, camper, tent-tent-tent. About 50 people easy!
So there we were, camping...sittin’ around, strolling from site to site with our frosty and frothy beers, plastics of wine, trailing back to the “main site”(our site) for refills. We had planned on camper tent sharing with a few people and figured it would really be no big deal, everyone being grown up and all with the added NO swingers allowed. As the night turned into wee hours of the morning we head back to our nylon home to find no one there sleeping yet. BONUS! We strip down and get crackin right away in the “lovins“ department. Considering there were so many people coming to “fill up” at the keg/wine/mixies station propped safely right outside our “door”, we kinda started out with quiet giggly foreplay. (I was doing the giggling-C’mon he‘s a man. And for any of you man gigglers out there - STOP! It weirds us out) So we went from fun play to HEEHAW! We are in the woods, this nature, makes me wanna YIPEE KIYI YAY! ! ! We rocked it pretty good for, what seemed like an hour...and in hind site it was more like um, an hour! We are alone after all. In the woods! Behind trusted Northface, 3M, Eddie Bauer nylon. We’re good, that shit’s like steel.
At some point a few people trickle in and find a sleepy spot. Here and there. I already have my Skeletor jammie pants on and am sound asleep. More people…trickle trickle. Yes, it was like a 13 man tent with a 3 room enclosure. LARGE!
Morning coffee...
We wake up to the smell of coffee, scent of warm dew, tent farts, stale fire smell in the hair and wet mud. Ahhhhhh ya gotta love nature. We proceed to talk about the evening with our kitten breath and get up to enjoy a percolated cup of joe.
Note to self: Nylon is not cement or steel and has NO sound barrier! At all. None. Zero! It’s more of a sound conducting agent. Like copper is to heat…but far worse. Remember this.
SO back to coffee. We meander outside to sit by the morning fire and there around the fire are nothing but eyeballs and smirks. Eyeballs and smirks and a few coyly asked questions like, “How did you two sleep?”, “What time you guys get to sleep?” and of course “I was going to go to bed but fell asleep outside waiting for you guys!”. (so much for stealth mode and I did wonder why there were a few body heaps outside on the cold ground NEAR the tent entrance)
I had no idea there was a sex-o-meter during camping and felt awful! Sorta.
Did I mention the rollie window may have opened too? Yeah, check that. Twice!
So there you have it. Should you decide to camp, be considerate.
Camping list to consider...
1) If you are camping in a large group, TRY to “enjoy the simple pleasures" EARLY in the evening when people are talking and music is playing.
2) Purchase a -60 degree, fully lined Alaskan stamped Columbia sleeping bag for muffling sake. Maybe two to be safe.
3) If you hear the whispers from the campfire while you are INSIDE you can bet those whisperers can heard x3 on the OUTSIDE.
4) Keep drink station approximately 30 feet from main temporary domicile or “watering hole”.
5) Leave no trace! This should apply to sexless camping as well. Take out what you haul in. (I might be selfish but I want to “keep it green” too!)
6) Turkey Breast-prepare for the turkey breast siting! You will never be afraid of Sasquatch again!
Six simple thing to remember and you too can enjoy a fruitful sex filled CONSIDERATE camping trip.(and maintain friends) If not, you should maybe consider going solo.
For the record - I never repeated this trip again. The “turkey breast” nightmares got the best of me and I had to watch Blaire Witch Project NINE times to forget. Look it up if you dare. But you had your warning.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
The dangerous world of IF. . .
I started out with a lesson planned in CAMPING SEX!(the stealthiest kind) But went in this direction...
The IF FACTOR I will scientifically dub as a very powerful factor. Some call it the X factor, but think the name has already been taken by a TV Show.
It’s powers can make or break a moment, a day or possibly even a lifetime…IF you allow it.
Using the IF factor can be very dangerous when you’re simply an IF FACTOR talker. You know who you are.
“I would do this IF ____”(enter excuse here - ya right buddy)
“I would go there IF____” (Um ok)
and of course the
“I would talk to him her about this or that IF_____”(Right on Captain Avoid-O)
The IF FACTOR is merely over analyzing a situation to create YOUR OWN negative or positive, response or action to what you will or will not do.(pretty much you already made your decision and it’s your excuse)
Another wards, we use it to “avoid” for the most part. We all become guilty of this and I for one used to be a master at it. To the point I would miss out on many, possibly GREAT things while trying to figure it all out.(and make my excuses) I used the word possibly, cause I “IF’d” myself scared right out of any of the POSSIBLE great things.
I had 1,937 reasons for doing or not doing something. (mostly NOT doing)
Excuses, excuses. Reasoning. MY reasoning.
However, IF you are an IF FACTOR DOER, life can be chock full of experiences, adventure and fulfillments.(believe me on this one-I would not steer you wrong)
“I would do this IF I didn’t have to work til 8”
Screw it! Asked someone to work! DID it.
“I would go IF I didn’t have to let my dog out!“
NOT ME!Called the neighbor! They are totally letting the dog out!
“I would totally sleep with him, but I don’t really know much about him.”
UM YA! Said “game on” and it was the beginning to a wonderful thing!
(ok that was a really bad example of ifdom, and I of course have never experienced THIS…shush, there is a lesson here)
In the BIG moral short version. Don’t you ever get sick of using the IF FACTOR, when it’s just easier to say:
“It’s not my bag.”
“I am scared as hell of that!”
“I don’t want to do it cause it’s out of my element.”
Or simply,
“No”
Don’t IF yourself to death!
It’s a time waste
Or
you want to waste time!
There is life to live and IF I sit here and scratch my head with a pencil tryin to figure ALL 1,937 IF’s out, that IF is gonna turn into a:
MISSED IT
SHOULDA
COULDA
WOULDA
It’s my lifetime. I will exclude the IF MONSTER just for today, IF the Brewers win tomorrow. Yeah. That’s safe.
...
The IF FACTOR I will scientifically dub as a very powerful factor. Some call it the X factor, but think the name has already been taken by a TV Show.
It’s powers can make or break a moment, a day or possibly even a lifetime…IF you allow it.
Using the IF factor can be very dangerous when you’re simply an IF FACTOR talker. You know who you are.
“I would do this IF ____”(enter excuse here - ya right buddy)
“I would go there IF____” (Um ok)
and of course the
“I would talk to him her about this or that IF_____”(Right on Captain Avoid-O)
The IF FACTOR is merely over analyzing a situation to create YOUR OWN negative or positive, response or action to what you will or will not do.(pretty much you already made your decision and it’s your excuse)
Another wards, we use it to “avoid” for the most part. We all become guilty of this and I for one used to be a master at it. To the point I would miss out on many, possibly GREAT things while trying to figure it all out.(and make my excuses) I used the word possibly, cause I “IF’d” myself scared right out of any of the POSSIBLE great things.
I had 1,937 reasons for doing or not doing something. (mostly NOT doing)
Excuses, excuses. Reasoning. MY reasoning.
However, IF you are an IF FACTOR DOER, life can be chock full of experiences, adventure and fulfillments.(believe me on this one-I would not steer you wrong)
“I would do this IF I didn’t have to work til 8”
Screw it! Asked someone to work! DID it.
“I would go IF I didn’t have to let my dog out!“
NOT ME!Called the neighbor! They are totally letting the dog out!
“I would totally sleep with him, but I don’t really know much about him.”
UM YA! Said “game on” and it was the beginning to a wonderful thing!
(ok that was a really bad example of ifdom, and I of course have never experienced THIS…shush, there is a lesson here)
In the BIG moral short version. Don’t you ever get sick of using the IF FACTOR, when it’s just easier to say:
“It’s not my bag.”
“I am scared as hell of that!”
“I don’t want to do it cause it’s out of my element.”
Or simply,
“No”
Don’t IF yourself to death!
It’s a time waste
Or
you want to waste time!
There is life to live and IF I sit here and scratch my head with a pencil tryin to figure ALL 1,937 IF’s out, that IF is gonna turn into a:
MISSED IT
SHOULDA
COULDA
WOULDA
It’s my lifetime. I will exclude the IF MONSTER just for today, IF the Brewers win tomorrow. Yeah. That’s safe.
...
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